Literati Scinuance

I’m trying to recall exactly when I went off my medicine. It wasn’t that I just decided to stop taking it or wanted to stop taking it, it was not one of those moments. I went off my medicine after being weaned down and the doctor suggested it.

I was doing so well on the medicine and at such lower doses than what I had originally started off on… it worked fine. Thank god I have my tumblr entries from right around the time my doses were cut back to where I stopped taking them…

Looking back… it looks like I have had trouble inconsistently being off my meds. Stomach discomfort, multiple bowel movements, and don’t get me started on the gas…

It looks like July/August was about the time I stopped taking the Pentasa. I was going off the med in June though because I ran out… I’ve been doing “okay” without the medicine. I’ve had good days and bad days, some weeks it just seems worse than others…

From the time I went off Pentasa I’ve had regular complaints about diarrhea, stomach pain, and that regular stuff crohnies have to deal with. Things definitely got worse after getting C.diff and even after that was gone… things weren’t exactly the same.

I have my own insurance now. I just don’t know how or if it will cover the Pentasa. It isn’t cheap and before… the regular costs of it is around $500 and we were having to pay around or at least $300 for the prescription.

I don’t know what scares me more… going back on the medicine and still having the issues right now… or having to pay an absurd amount of money for the prescription…

I’m pessimistic… I’d love to have my insurance cover it and only have to pay $50, and for the drugs to work and not have the issues I have been lately.

I just don’t know. I need to talk to my doctor/gi and see. The trouble has been sporadic but it has been happening since I’ve been off my meds. I mean, I can read a tumblr entry for almost each month, and if I printed out my logs from the GImonitor app on my phone…

I guess I’m also afraid he’ll just not call my prescription in. He’ll want to see me or do some testing or something… Before they realized I had the c.diff infection going on, he was willing to start me back up on my medicine.

I just don’t know what to do. I just want to go to sleep and feel better when I wake up.

I mean the past few days… well more like the past week…. I haven’t felt sick. I’ve just been bloated, gassy, burping, general dull ache of the stomach from my crohn’s, and all the other usual stuff you deal with from the disease. I realize the disease is chronic and it doesn’t go away and I need to be careful and diligent with what I eat, and I am.

I’m avoiding trigger foods now that I had started eating without realizing they were causing me trouble. My appetite too might be part of the problem, since because I’m being so watchful of what I eat… I’m eating less.

I haven’t had too much trouble with diarrhea luckily so far *knock on wood*, but the abdominal cramping and pain is getting on my last nerve… I mean it is actually making me grouchy and affecting me.

The trouble I’ve been having there might also explain a couple of weeks ago when I was having trouble with my eyes and wearing my contacts.

*sigh*

I’ll just stop ranting and go to bed now. I have to get up early and go to work on my day off. Then attempt to enjoy the rest of my day off after leaving work, then work the next five days in a row…

I have a week of vacation in August but that isn’t soon enough. Hopefully the four days I put in for the week after next get’s scheduled off. I need some time to recuperate and recharge my batteries. The best part is, well there are two parts… Feeling like crap lately has taken away my drive to drive and get my driver’s license. I set the goal to get ti by the month of May and I haven’t. Tomorrow is June. I have until July when my permit expires. I do not want to take the stupid permit test for the fifth+ time. This is going to lead into a longer rant so I’ll just shut myself up there. It isn’t like I’m going to miraculously just go pass my driver’s test tomorrow, I need more practice than just that one drive. Then again who knows… maybe if I feel up to it…

The other part is school starts back up for me Monday. I’m looking forward to it after being off for two months… the two months I was going to use for driving and planning and doing stuff, which I did do some stuff… I read a lot of books, and accomplished getting through some of my movie collection and video games…

Well on the upside, after the eight weeks of classes that start Monday… I’ll be taking another month off from school during the summer. There’s just so much I want to do and need to do, I need to get my life on track.

I only have a year of school left. Sure I accomplished a great deal last year. I worked my way off my medicine which I had been taking for four years, I got a new job, I got promoted, I got two raises, I have tuition assistance (something else I need to work on setting up), and so much.

I just wish this wasn’t my 23rd birthday three months away and that I hadn’t dropped out of high school, maybe just maybe I’d be driving if I hadn’t… but driving isn’t that big of a deal, and I know my life would be entirely different if I had stayed in school, but I can’t deal and wonder about what could have been.

I just need to whip myself into shape and get the on the ball rolling or get the ball rolling, I’m not sure it is easy to get on a ball that is rolling….

I’m just going to rest now since it is time for bed, and I could start rambling again at any second, but the thoughts are fleeting. If you took the time to read all this then thanks, it really means a lot.